The 5 Love Languages Explained and How to Use Them

Have you read “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts?” It’s an absolute game-changer for those interested in why and how we love. It really opened my eyes in understanding how I express love, how Daron receives love, and vice-versa. I recommend it for both couples and single people who want to learn how to love  well.

In fact when Daron and I coach couples, reading this book is part of the homework we assign.  We believe it is so important to understand how your partner desires to be loved and vice versa. When you communicate about your desired love language to your partner and then they make a daily effort to show love in that particular way, it greatly impacts the success of your relationship.

If you don’t have time to read the 5 Love Languages book, there are plenty of online quizzes you can take for fun. It’s important to learn your own and your spouses for maximum impact. Once you both discover how you express and receive love, you can take your relationships to the next level of happiness and fulfillment.

Our Personal Love Languages

My personal love language is words of affirmation with acts of service being a close second. Daron’s is physical touch and affection. Knowing this about him, a hug after a busy day or reaching for his hand on a walk in the park help show him how much I deeply care for him. He also goes out of his way to tell me how much he appreciates what I do for him and the kids, or to help me with a project that I would normally do by myself.

These small acts of love build on each other over time and show your spouse that you’re intentionally loving them in ways they can receive and understand.  It expresses your commitment to their happiness and security in the relationship, which leads to trust and richer experiences together.

If you’re looking for ways to love your spouse well, I’ve listed out the 5 love languages and several ideas under each one that you can try in your relationship.  Knowing your partner’s love language and letting them know yours is a way to help you both feel loved and appreciated.

The 5 Love Languages: How to Show Quality Time To Your Spouse

• Dedicate specific time for each other:  Set aside dedicated time for just the two of you, whether it’s a weekly date night or a monthly weekend getaway.  Here are some ideas for date nights at home that Daron and I like to do:  https://ourfarmerhouse.com/6-fun-date-night-at-home-ideas/
• Engage in mutual interests:  Spend time participating in activities or hobbies that you both enjoy.
• Plan a surprise:  Plan a special outing or surprise for your spouse to show them how much you care.
• Connect through conversation:  Take time to really listen to your spouse and have meaningful conversations free from distractions.
• Show physical affection:  Hold hands, hug, and kiss regularly to maintain intimacy and physical connection.
• Do things together:  Participate in household chores, errands, or other tasks together to make the most of your time together.
• Show appreciation and gratitude:  Regularly express your gratitude and appreciation for your spouse through words and actions.
• Plan a getaway:  Plan a romantic getaway or vacation to spend quality time together in a new and exciting environment.
• Turn off distractions:  Put away your phones, computers, and other distractions to give your spouse your undivided attention.
• Create new memories:  Do something new or unexpected together to create lasting memories and strengthen your bond.

The 5 Love Languages: How to Show Physical Touch to Your Spouse 

• Hold hands:  This simple yet intimate gesture can help maintain physical connection and affection.
• Give hugs:  Regular hugs can help release oxytocin and promote feelings of comfort and love.
• Kiss:  Regular kissing, especially in the morning and before bedtime, can help maintain intimacy and physical connection.
• Cuddle:  Cuddling is a great way to feel close and physically connected to your spouse.
• Give massages:  Taking turns giving each other massages can help relieve stress and promote physical affection.
• Be affectionate in public:  Showing physical affection in public, such as holding hands or kissing, can help maintain intimacy even when you’re not alone.
• Give back rubs:  Offer your spouse a relaxing back rub to help them unwind and feel physically connected.
• Show appreciation through touch:  Express appreciation and love through physical touch, such as kissing or hugging, when your spouse does something special for you.
• Get physical during intimacy:  Engage in physical intimacy regularly to maintain a strong physical connection.
• Touch without sexual intention:  Simple physical touch, such as a pat on the back or a hand on the shoulder, can show affection even outside of a sexual context.

The 5 Love Languages: How to Show Acts of Service to Your Spouse 

• Offer to help with chores:  Offer to help with household chores or errands to ease your spouse’s workload.
• Cook a meal:  Prepare a special meal for your spouse to show your love and appreciation. Some of my easy-to-make favorites are:
• https://ourfarmerhouse.com/healthy-turkey-and-spinach-lasagna/
• https://ourfarmerhouse.com/sour-cream-chicken-enchiladas/
• https://ourfarmerhouse.com/japanese-chicken-teriyaki/
• Surprise with small gestures:  Leave little surprises around the house or in your spouse’s car to make their day brighter.
• Take care of the kids:  Offer to take care of the children so your spouse can have a break or focus on their own interests.
• Offer to run errands:  Offer to run errands for your spouse to save them time and hassle.
• Help with work tasks:  Offer to help with tasks such as proofreading or organizing.
• Offer to drive:  Offer to drive your spouse to appointments or events to save them time and stress.
• Clean the house:  Clean and tidy the house to show your love and appreciation for your spouse’s hard work.
• Show physical support:  Offer physical support, such as helping with heavy lifting or carrying in the groceries.
• Do something special:  Plan a special outing or activity to show your love and appreciation for your spouse and your relationship.

The 5 Love Languages: How to Use Words of Affirmation to Show Love to Your Spouse 

• Compliment regularly:  Offer genuine and specific compliments to your spouse to build their confidence and show your love.
• Express gratitude:  Express gratitude and appreciation for your spouse and all they do for you and the relationship.
• Write love letters:  Write love letters or notes to your spouse to express your love and affection.
• Give verbal affirmations:  Give verbal affirmations and encouragement, such as telling your spouse how proud you are of them.
• Use kind words:  Use kind and loving words in all your communication with your spouse to maintain a positive and supportive environment.
• Share your feelings:  Share your feelings and emotions with your spouse, such as telling them how much they mean to you.
• Offer encouragement:  Offer encouragement and support in your spouse’s endeavors and goals.
• Acknowledge their strengths:  Acknowledge and celebrate your spouse’s strengths and talents.
• Express admiration:  Express admiration and respect for your spouse and all they do for you and the relationship.
• Show affection through words:  Use words to show affection, such as calling your spouse endearing names or saying “I love you.”

The 5 Love Languages: How to Show Love through Gifts to Your Spouse

• Give thoughtful gifts:  Give thoughtful and meaningful gifts to your spouse, such as a special item they’ve been wanting or a sentimental keepsake.
• Surprise gifts:  Surprise your spouse with gifts unexpectedly.
• Plan a special outing:  Plan a special outing, such as a weekend getaway or a romantic dinner, as a gift to your spouse.
• Give experiences:  Give experiences as gifts, such as tickets to a concert or a cooking class.
• Gift of time:  Give the gift of your time by spending quality time with your spouse or doing a special activity together.
• Personalize gifts:  Personalize gifts, such as a custom piece of jewelry or a monogrammed item to make them even more special.
• Gift certificates:  Give gift certificates for activities or experiences your spouse loves, such as a spa day or a sporting event.
• Sentimental gifts:  Give sentimental gifts, such as a photo album or a memory box, to show your love and affection.
• Create a care package:  Create a care package with your spouse’s favorite items, such as snacks or self-care products.
• Re-gift memories:  Re-gift memories, such as a special item from a past trip or a sentimental keepsake.

What is your love language? And do you know what the love language of your spouse or partner is? Share below in the comments or on social media @ourfarmerhouse as we would love to hear from you!

XO,